1st Error

I woke up to the tear stains on my pillowcase from last night when I cried myself to sleep because I was disappointed.
With you.
I thought things would be different this time and you telling me you loved me would be.
Enough.
Instead, love- no, you made a fool of me.
Again.
Here I am trying to go after what I think is real, although deep down inside, I know.
It's superficial.
But I look past the error and try to love you.
Anyway...

GIRL

Look at you girl.
Try not to look so blue girl
You smile, but the mask I see through girl
I know you feel like you don’t know what to do girl
The bills keep on piling up on you girl
Worried cause the rent’s past due girl
And your car is broken down too girl
I know you’re really going through girl
Every day is like one big fight girl
It’s like you’re living life without the light girl
Trying so hard to do right girl
Praying that it’ll be alright girl
I know that money’s a bit tight girl
Don’t know where you’re sleeping at each night girl
Trying not to lose sight girl
Though the future’s not looking so bright girl
I feel your pain girl
From the tears you can’t refrain girl
Circumstances stressing out your brain girl
Just trying to maintain girl
It’s like a drought with no rain girl
Your life will never be the same girl
Feels like you’re always in the slow lane girl
Don’t know who’s to blame girl
Don’t cry girl
Dry your weeping eyes girl
Don’t let the pain subside girl
Know that it will be alright girl
I see you try girl
Keep the dream alive girl
You’ll make it if you strive girl
I know you can survive girl
Be strong girl
Just know it won’t be long girl
Even when it all seems wrong girl
Keep singing that faithful song girl
See, God sees you girl
He never will deceive you girl
Let His presence ease you girl
He swears He’ll never leave you girl
In darkness, He will be your light girl
He’ll lead you through the plight girl
He’ll make your wrongs your rights girl
Let His love hold you tight girl
God says, “I’m here!” girl
So you don’t have to fear girl
If He said it, then He will girl
I’m telling you, He’s REAL girl
He’ll take the pain away girl
Bring sunshine to your dark day girl
He won’t lead your astray girl
All you have to do is pray girl
He’ll be there right beside you girl
So let His presence guide you girl
Keep His Word inside your girl
From darkness He will hide you girl
Just as sure as He can do it girl
The Lord will see you through it girl
He’ll give you strength like you never knew it girl
Grab the faith and hold on to it girl
So look at you girl.
Try not to look so blue girl
You smile, but the mask I see through girl
But God is not done with you girl
So hold on

Captured

"Since why is difficult to handle, one must take refuge in how."

~Toni Morrison

Thirsty

Submerge my cup, there's no more water

Hide yourself little lamb, lest you prepare for the slaughter

Put up the yellow tape- the whole world's out of order

Hide ya kids, hide ya wife cause fathers are raping their daughters

No peace, no sleep, no silence, so why even bother?

No more lying to ourselves, save that for one another

Face value of trust gone down- sell your soul for a dollar

Times getting so hard, can't get the black ring from around your white collar

but some things still remain the same, young men tryin' to holla

Society's deemed her as a 'ho' so that's what they call her

Walking a thin, tight line, so there's no room to falter

It's Money that you're chasing, and you still haven't caught her

Pollution in the air: RED ALERT! This life's a halter!

Thirsty for redemption, submerge my cup

There's no more water

Jazmine Sullivan - Kiss From A Rose

Doing it Again

And you're doing it again
And I'm seeing it again
So I hide my face to gain shade
To block the burn that tries to get in
Because a lie is a lie
No matter how big or small
And if you’ve lied about this, then you’ve lied about it all

But you don't know
Better yet you don't care
Cuz if you did you would've been there when you said you would've been there
Actions speak and word is bond
Yet somehow, your words become my bond
And I’m struggling to free myself
From a time when you were someone else
That I slowly grew to hate in love
Excuse me if you don’t know who I’m speaking of
But a lie is a lie no matter the size
Now watch it as it multiplies

And you're doing it again
And I’m seeing it again
So I hide my face to gain shade
To block the burn that tries to get in
Because a lie is a lie
No matter how big or small
And if you’ve lied about this, then you’ve lied about it all

And I’m reverted back to that place
Where I’ve worked so hard to escape
Where so many lies are fed that I’m confused of reality
Question my left from right
And what is real and fake to me
Because left isn’t right so only right is left
Turn around and point the finger at me
So now I’m questioning myself
Wondering if I misheard or misunderstood
But you're good at your deceit and your deceit has got me good
More than once, but I forgive
With just a little left of me to give
But you still won’t understand
So you're back at your games again

And you're doing it again
And I’m seeing it again
So I hide my face to gain shade
To block the burn that tries to get in
Because a lie is lie
No matter how big or small
And if you’ve lied about this then you’ve lied about it all

And every word becomes a fire to which my skin is burned
How many blisters must I display before you begin to learn
That it’s deeper than the ‘nothing’ that you choke it up to be
It’s about what that lie, that big little lie does to me
But for now, psh… you can’t tell
Because to you, my words are weightless and to no avail

And you're doing it again
And I’m seeing it again
So I hide my face to gain shade
To block the burn that tries to get it
Because a lie is a lie
No matter how big or small
And if you’ve lied about this, then you’ve lied about it all