Redemption

Less than three hours left in this year
But I have more than three hours worth of thoughts
No direction, can’t follow directions
Not sure what is wrong or right
People in my ear,
Blinded by distractions
I ask God to guide me to make the best decisions
I see myself, or a dim likeliness of myself
Shattered into a million pieces
On a cold ground, years in front of me
Patience, guidance, wisdom…
I pray these things upon my spirit
And the opportunity to live to see
The passing of my existence
Then fear creeps in, my clock is ticking
And I begin to think,
“What have I really contributed to this life?”
Small instances cross my mind
And I wonder if they will be enough
To open the gates of Heaven
Or close to gates of hell- behind me
There’s so much negativity that I wish to leave behind
So many doors I want to open
So many people I want to tell the truth to,
Hug one more time, say hello, say goodbye
Trying to be a better person while I cannot find myself
Lost in my own thoughts
Racing to an unmarked finish line
Where do I start? Where do I end?
So many unanswered questions,
So many untold stories, so many lies in my head
And I begin to believe them
As I watch my existence fade away
Wash my soul down the drain
In a sad attempt to please others
Who would not wait for me
I pray less than three hours is enough to gain redemption
I pray that less than three hours is enough to regain sanity
I pray that less than three hours will lead me to a place
Close to my destiny
And all that is left is
Amen.

Shayla Hood
December 31, 2010
9:34pm