I See You

Hush now chile
I see you
Hiding there, behind that childlike smile
Eyes rolling and teeth sucked
I see you
There’s no more time for the games
How long
Could you possibly use your hurt
As an excuse
No, you are too regular
Enough
You smile with a mouthful of pain
And eyes which see big hands
Caressing you
With no control
Thinking that there-
Inside of your warmth
Is where you’ll find solidarity
From when you hurt-
So you allow him
To push deeply inside
Deep past the pain
Thinking that to hurt
On your own accord
Is the only way to heal
And all that comes out
Are tears laced with fury
And disgust
Because you realize
That he is the one who has been used
Not for your pleasure
But for your release
And you dance
Sparkling in the moonlight
With candles smelling of
Morning dew burning
And Billy Holiday playing
Softly in the background
You turn your shower to steaming hot
In hopes to wash away the smell
Of him
And the memories of
Where it hurt
When you were just a little ole thing
With ponytails and t-shirts
Mary janes, and lollipops
And there, you hide
But I see you chile
Grown woman
Hurting from way back when
And you let your hair down
And disguise your face
With blue eyeshadow
And pink blush
Thinking a lady like me
Wouldn’t be able to tell
Gone, now chile
I used to be you
And the only person that you are fooling
Is he who believes
That those tears you cry
Are on account of him
So hush now chile
I see you

XOXO

A kiss… Is more than just a kiss
Well, I guess it depends on its intent
But I must protest- I never meant
For my heart to fall without consent

Altered

She was only seventeen
Black, beautiful, honor roll student
On the cheerleading team, every boy’s dream
And had the attitude to match
She was what the boys’ mothers’ called
A “good catch”
Never got into trouble
Never stayed out too late
Just broke up with her boyfriend
Cuz she said she wanted to wait
On this particular day
It was a Thursday afternoon
She got home from school early
So headed to her bedroom
Her mom wasn’t expecting her there
So she fell asleep on the living room chair
The young girl put in her headphones
Turned up the volume so she could hear her favorite songs
Outside, her father was pulling up
You could tell he was high by the way he parked the truck
He busts down the door
Drags her mother on the floor
Accusing her of having an affair
She yells, “I didn’t cheat! I swear!”
But it’s too little, too late
The man does not hesitate
To strike his fist against her head
Now she just lays there like she’s dead
And the girl still hasn’t heard a single sound
She’s in her bedroom getting down
Back in the living room, mom’s getting up
Dad’s in the backroom getting more blazed up
So she runs to get help
She left her cell phone on the kitchen shelf
Still shaken, she falls and hits the floor
Hits her head on her daughter’s door
And the girl opens it up
Sees that her mom’s been all beat up
And immediately knows that her daddy’s back on that stuff
She yells, “Mama, that’s enough!”
And goes to confront her father
But he’s so high he doesn’t realize that he’s about to hit his daughter
Her mother yells for her to come back
But it’s too late- her daughter gets slapped
She stumbles back, shaken, but not stirred
Her head is spinning, mom’s talking,
But she can’t understand a word
Her vision clears on up
She turns to see what it is her father is throwing up
Looks like he’s pulled out his gun
Mom’s eyes get big as she screams, “BABY, RUN!”
But this daughter is thinking she’s had enough
Asks her daddy why he won’t get off of that stuff
But now she’s talking to an addict, not talking to a man
She’s talking to a junkie with a gun cocked in his hand
All she’s thinking of is how she’s tired of seeing her mother hurting
If she’s not fighting then she’s cooking, if she’s not beaten then she’s working
She flashes back to the day he sent her mom’s head through the wall
And the time when she was pregnant and he beat her all the way down the hall
But the image that takes this young girl out of her self
Is the day she walked in on her dad making love to someone else
She turns and wrestles the gun right out of her father’s hands
Holds it to his head and asks, “Do you still feel like a man?”
Her mom tells her not to do it, but she hasn’t heard a word she said
She wipes her crying eyes then blows a bullet through his head

Hunnibabyboo

I find myself constantly gettin mad at u
For doin some of the things that u do
But in tryin not to be hypocritical
And lookin beyond the physical
I see why I call u my boo
Cuz I’m doin the same things too

Can’t get mad (though I get mad)
Say something to u to make u feel just as bad
But u do what u do when I’m getting on u
To make me feel kinda crazy too
And I see why I call u my baby
Cuz we both be actin all crazy

I try to keep my mind from strayin
Though I don’t always hear what ur sayin
Though it’s not always u that I’m thinkin about
And sometimes when I miss ya, the words won’t come out
But I guess that’s why ur my hunni
Cuz u never look at me funny

We don’t always see eye to eye
And sometimes u do make me cry
But u make me laugh more
So it evens the score
And I guess that’s why I’m ur girl
Cuz u make me feel good in this world

U know u be workin my nerves
Givin me attitude that I don’t deserve
But neither one of us is perfect
And we’re tryin to work it
And though stuff might get crazy
U know ur my baby
And when I’m feelin blue
I can call on my boo
So when sh!t gets all funny
Just call on me hunni
Ur my man; I’m ur girl
It’s all good in this world
And I’m glad to have u by my side
Sit back and relax. Let’s ride

(Image by Fred Mathews)

Redemption

Less than three hours left in this year
But I have more than three hours worth of thoughts
No direction, can’t follow directions
Not sure what is wrong or right
People in my ear,
Blinded by distractions
I ask God to guide me to make the best decisions
I see myself, or a dim likeliness of myself
Shattered into a million pieces
On a cold ground, years in front of me
Patience, guidance, wisdom…
I pray these things upon my spirit
And the opportunity to live to see
The passing of my existence
Then fear creeps in, my clock is ticking
And I begin to think,
“What have I really contributed to this life?”
Small instances cross my mind
And I wonder if they will be enough
To open the gates of Heaven
Or close to gates of hell- behind me
There’s so much negativity that I wish to leave behind
So many doors I want to open
So many people I want to tell the truth to,
Hug one more time, say hello, say goodbye
Trying to be a better person while I cannot find myself
Lost in my own thoughts
Racing to an unmarked finish line
Where do I start? Where do I end?
So many unanswered questions,
So many untold stories, so many lies in my head
And I begin to believe them
As I watch my existence fade away
Wash my soul down the drain
In a sad attempt to please others
Who would not wait for me
I pray less than three hours is enough to gain redemption
I pray that less than three hours is enough to regain sanity
I pray that less than three hours will lead me to a place
Close to my destiny
And all that is left is
Amen.

Shayla Hood
December 31, 2010
9:34pm